Rules for Visiting the Veterinarian's Office
Rules for Visiting the Veterinarian's Office
1. Do not make an appointment. Just walk in, because they are going to be there anyway. Demand to be seen immediately! Become irate if you have to wait for anyone who was there ahead of you.
2. Bring your children, bring your neighbor's children. If you have no children, borrow some from a friend. Toddlers who have been walking for less than a year are best. If they are talking let them run around, all over the hospital and ask everyone on the staff questions.
3. Place your pet on the exam table, then sit down. Please do not hold it. Emphasize that "It won’t jump down!" and "It NEVER bites!"
4. If you are reading a magazine, please do not risk losing your seat by setting it down. Please keep reading. Do not look up when you are asked a question.
5. Do not remove your sunglasses, especially if you have a hearing problem.
6. If you have a concern, YELL at the receptionist, then when you see the doctor, be as sweet as possible.
7. As you leave, let your un-neutered dog urinate on every stationary object until you get outside. Do not tell anyone.
8. Please tell us if there is a problem, but wait at least three weeks to do so. Remember, continuous diarrhea for four weeks or more is considered "An Emergency Situation!". This is especially true at closing time on the weekends.
9. If your pet is in really bad shape, tell the doctor that you have been on vacation. If you haven’t brought your pet in to the hospital in two years, always tell the doctor the problem started RIGHT after the last visit and it hasn’t gone away.
10. Have your record under as many last names as possible. For your pet, have a registered name, a baptized name, and a nickname for each family member. Use a different one each time you come in for a visit.
11. When leaving your pet for boarding or any other procedures, never tell anyone in the office that you have changed your phone number since your last visit.
12. Never say anything important until the doctor put his/her stethoscope to their ears.
13. Always say, "Cost is not important! Just save my pet!", until you get the bill, then deny that you said it was OK to treat. Make a big fuss over every item even though you are not going to pay anyway.
14. Always bring your checkbook without any checks in it or leave home without your wallet. Only carry hundred dollar bills when you do bring it, especially if you are only buying one can of food.
15. If possible, always send your pet to the clinic with your children under 18 years of age with no money or credit cards. Never tell them why they are bringing the pet in.
16. Always be late and make sure that you announce to everyone in the waiting room that you are late.
17. If you have an unruly dog make sure that you are always at least 20 minutes early so that the waiting room takes a good hour to calm down after your departure.
18. Never use your Cat Carrier when going to the Vet's office. After all if the owners cannot control their mutts then they have no business being there.
19. Ask for complete handwritten instructions on everything including cleaning the litter box.
20. Enter the Vet's office with your dogs at a perfect heel, calmly sign it and let your dogs give kisses to all the Vet Techs. Take the only remaining seat and put your dogs in a down stay. Read an entire article in Dog Fancy before they call your name, all the while keeping an eye on everyone else in the waiting room that is JEALOUS of your dogs!!!!!